This Could Be Paradise
by KartheyM
Summary: Sam and Dean's life is turned upside-down when Sam discovers an interview supposedly conducted by a Utah blogger-with Mary Winchester! When they get there, all they find is a miraculous young woman who claims to be their mother, seeking any opportunity at a second chance to be the mother she always wanted to be-but what is really behind it? Should the Winchester boys be worried?
1. When She Was Just A Girl

_**Salt Lake City, UT**_

A tall, slim brunette peered anxiously through the window, into the room. The patient within stared up at the ceiling, no movement, no interaction. It was almost too much to bear.

"Fiona?"

The brunette turned as a short, wiry doctor approached. She nodded to him and resumed watching the patient.

"Still no change, Dr. Brennan?"

The doctor sighed. "This is not a hospital, Miss Waites. We are keeping your sister as comfortable as we can, caring for her as best we know how."

Tears welled in Fiona's blue eyes. "I just wish there was something you could do, something anyone could do! Kami's still alive, isn't she? No person should ever have to live so isolated from absolutely everything!"

"Fiona, you must understand: Kami is perfectly content with her lot in life because it is the only life she has ever known. Not being able to walk, see, hear, or speak is, for all she knows, the way everyone else functions, as well. She does find things to entertain herself."

"Like what?"

Dr. Brennan pointed through the window. "See that typewriter over there?"

Fiona noted the squat brown contraption as the doctor continued.

"A therapist outfitted it with Braille keys, so she has been using that to communicate and write the things she's thinking about when there's no one to sign with."

Fiona nodded. "What kinds of things?"

Dr. Brennan gestured back down the corridor to his office.

"Follow me. I can show you."

In the small office, Dr. Brennan shuffled through a stack if folders and found one containing several sheets of typed pages. "These are from the last week," he said.

Fiona skimmed the pages. "These look like one side of a conversation," she remarked.

Dr. Brennan smiled wryly. "Keep reading."

Fiona flipped through three pages of Kami describing her day to someone who was evidently new to the whole experience. She caught a name in the middle of the third page. She looked up in confusion.

"Who is Mary?"

Dr. Brennan shrugged his round shoulders. "Your guess is as good as mine. We have at least three Marys in this wing, but none of them have ever visited Kami." He hesitated. "Besides—she typed these out when there was no one else in the room."

Fiona let the hands holding the papers drop in her lap. "My sister is having imaginary conversations with a figment she dreamed up whom she arbitrarily named Mary? Are you certain she is not hallucinating?"

"She succeeds in all the psychological tests we can administer for such a special case," Dr. Brennan reassured her. "So I can say with reasonable confidence that I think she is not completely psychologically detached."

Fiona tossed the folder onto the desk. "Then who is this Mary person she imagines herself talking to?"

Dr. Brennan shrugged. "Why don't we ask her that?"

Fiona followed the doctor back to Kami's room. Seeing her there, useless legs sprawled on the bed, sightless eyes staring at the ceiling, broken ears hearing nothing—Fiona fought back the tears.

Dr. Brennan pushed a buzzer near the door that caused a remote in the young patient's right hand to vibrate slightly.

"That lets her know when someone is coming into the room," he explained.

Sure enough, as they neared her bed, Kami lifted her hand for Dr. Brennan to take. He signed into her palm, speaking his words for Fiona's benefit.

**"Your sister is here,"** he informed Kami.

The young woman's face lit up and she reached out her left hand. Fiona grasped it. Turning her sister's hand palm-up, Kami signed, **"I miss you."**

**"I miss you too,"** Fiona signed back. **"How are you?"**

**"Happy to be alive."**

Fiona's breath caught, and for once she was actually glad her deaf sister could not hear her choking back the sobs in her throat. She felt Dr. Brennan's right hand on her shoulder, comforting her, giving her courage. Fiona forged ahead.

**"Dr. Brennan showed me your stories."**

**"What stories?"**

Fiona frowned. **"The stories about Mary."**

Kami stuck her lip out in a pout. **"Those are not stories."**

**"But who is Mary?"**

**"Mary is my friend. She comes to me."**

Fiona glanced at Dr. Brennan, who shook his head; there was no Mary visiting her at any time, and certainly no way for any unauthorized visits.

**"When does Mary come?"** Fiona signed.

**"Sometimes when I sleep,"** Kami signed back. **"She comes and speaks to me."**

Fiona blinked. **"Kami,"** she fought to keep her hands steady as her body trembled, **"do you see Mary?"**

**"No,"** Kami replied immediately. **"But I can hear her voice. She is a nice woman."**

Fiona looked as if she was sure her sister was delusional, but Dr. Brennan said, "Keep asking her questions; this is the most I've heard about Kami's friend. Whenever I have tried to ask her, apparently Mary appears and Kami prefers to talk to her."

Reluctantly, Fiona turned back to her sister. **"Tell me about Mary,"** she signed.

**"Mary is from Kansas,"** signed Kami, **"but she does not have a home anymore."**

**"Does Mary have a family?"**

**"Yes. A husband, and two sons. They are not together anymore."**

**"Mary and her husband are divorced?"**

**"No. I think he died. And the sons are never in one place long enough for her to find them."**

Dr. Brennan shook his head when Fiona relayed her sister's words.

"Find them? This is definitely unlike any kind of delusion I've ever heard of. Ask why Mary wants to find her sons."

Fiona did, and Kami hesitated a long time before answering.

**"She wants to atone for everything that happened to them."**

Once again, Fiona and the doctor exchanged glances. There was no way a girl like Kami could invent something this elaborate.

Fiona almost called it quits and pulled away from Kami's hand, but the young woman gripped it. **"You need to find them,"** she signed, her nails digging into Fiona's palm.

**"Find who?"** Fiona signed back, dreading the answer.

**"Mary's sons. Maybe I can help her make atonement."**

Fiona went to pull away, and again, Kami gripped her wrist. **"Promise?"**

The tall brunette groaned; that Kami was dedicated to helping this Mary person could be borne—but to rope her into it? That was unfair. Kami wouldn't let go until Fiona repeated the sign,** "Promise."**

Her cell phone rang as soon as she left the care center.

"Hello? Yeah, I was just visiting Kami. Get this, she has a mysterious friend that she can hear in her head. I know, right? It's crazy; she has this whole story to go with it. Well, the lady's name is Mary, single mom with two kids, she lives in Kansas, and she's trying to reconcile with her boys but they move around a lot and she can't find them. Crazy, right? I figured this would be right up your alley, you being a writer and all. Uh-huh, I bet you would. Sure, have at it! Maybe you'll have the whole story finished by the time we get together next week! Okay, see you then. Bye."

* * *

_**Somewhere in the Midwest...**_

Dean strode into the motel room with his hands full of fast food in paper bags.

"Soup's on!" He called to Sam, hunched over his computer in the back corner.

"Yeah, be there in a sec," Sam muttered. There was no mistaking the crease in his forehead.

Dean set the bags on the table.

"I know that look," he remarked, "that's your 'get-ready-to-pack-it-in' look. What put us back on the FBI Watch-list this time?"

Sam was reading a large block of text; Dean could tell by the way his lips moved. "It's not that," responded Sam at last. Still he did not take his eyes off the screen.

Dean grew tired of waiting. He crossed the room and joined his brother. "What is it that's got you so locked up, then? Porn? Fanfiction?"

Sam leaned back so Dean could read over his shoulder.

"Neither. Try 'Some Blogger in Utah Thinks She Found Mary Winchester.'"

Dean swore and read aloud from the blog.

_"Others can't see her, but I can. She wore the white nightgown she died in, her soft golden hair falling around her face. Laying there in the hospice bed, her life slowly seeping away, she has but one dying wish: to see her sons again. But they are too far away, and she must move on into the Netherworld with this one last wish unfulfilled."_

Sam was so stunned he couldn't move. Dean hung his head, overcome with the implications of this seemingly-fictionalized account.

"Do... Do you think it's really her?" Sam stammered huskily.

Dean pursed his lips; after that night in their old home—the last time either of them saw their mom—he had found old, pressed-down emotions opening like fresh wounds, and every bit as painful. He couldn't shove them down any more.

"Pack it up," he said curtly.

Sam shut his laptop. "What? Dean, we've been here for only six hours—"

"And that's long enough for you to find some random post on some random blog by a lady from Utah who might know something about Mom!" Dean fired back.

Sam bit back a stinging retort. Something in his brother's reaction, the things Dean said and the way he looked, told Sam how much Dean missed the woman Sam barely knew. Dean wasn't normally a "drop-everything-and-go" kind of guy—except when family was involved.

Sam chose his words carefully. "Dean, I think we might want to keep hunting for a while; if what this lady is writing about is true, Mom isn't in any danger. She'll be fine till we fi—"

"This is not up for discussion!" Dean grabbed his duffel, slung it over his shoulder, and stalked out of the motel.

Dean waited in the idling Impala till Sam joined him.

"Where are we headed?"

Sam glanced over, but Dean still wouldn't look at him.

"Hospice Care Center in Salt Lake City," he answered.

"Salt Lake?" Dean verified, pulling onto the highway. "Okay, we should be there by tomorrow."

Sam glanced at his brother, shook his head, and hunkered down for another long night of driving.

* * *

_*A/N: This is just an idea that I've had bouncing around in my brain since early Season 4... but I can't figure out where it could fit in the timeline, or where specifically the boys could be at. What do you think? PM me if you want to make a suggestion (just so you don't clog the reviews if you're not actually reviewing.) Thanks for the feedback, and I hope you enjoy what's coming! -KM_


	2. She Expected The World

Darkness.

Silence.

Stillness.

That was the extent of her world, till the sound of Mary's voice brought life such as she had never known. When Mary spoke, Kami could feel the sensations of someone signing the same words on her hand. It confused her at first, when people would come in while Mary was talking and try to "talk" over her without realizing, but all Kami had to do was hide her hands, and Mary could continue uninterrupted.

Fiona's friend had been with her yesterday, asking all sorts of questions about Mary. Kami had faithfully transcribed them all on her typewriter. She had felt the visitor's excitement, but she didn't know what there was to be excited about. Mary sounded normal enough; why were people treating her like some kind of marvel?

Then Mary had actually paid a visit to her dreams. She had a very important question.

**"Will you let me through?"**

It seemed a strange request, but Mary let Kami realize the full extent of her meaning, and immediately, Kami said _Yes!_

The night nurse thought she must have been dreaming when the patient "K Waites", regarded as a deaf-blind cripple, suddenly sat up in bed and said distinctly, "Hello? Can somebody help me? I am Mary Winchester!"

When the nurse entered the room, "K Waites" was still fast asleep. She shrugged off the incident and resumed her post.

The strange dream was the last thing Kami remembered before waking up the next morning. At least, she assumed it was morning. She could feel the sun streaming through the window and beating on her blanket. Kami raised her eyelids and knew right away something was very different.

Normally, eyes open and eyes closed bore no difference. This time, there was something that happened to Kami's eyes when she opened them.

**_"Light!"_** Mary's voice cried in her mind.

Kami squinted till the pain subsided. It felt like the light had fingers, rubbing on her eyeball. She stared above her at the thing across the top of the room that looked like the feeling of a pumice stone.

**_"Ceiling,"_** Mary named it. Also, she added color. _**"The ceiling is white with black marks."**_

Kami raised her hand in front of her face. She wiggled her fingers, and could feel them move at the same time she saw them. She stared down the length of her body, the first time seeing the frail form swathed in the blue gown. There were her legs, completely useless since the fall that had rendered them thus. There were her toes, at the very end. Kami felt a tingling sensation in her legs; when had she ever felt that? She stared hard at her toes as Mary coached her inside her head.

Suddenly, one fluttered! Then the other! Kami watched in fascination as her feet seemed to take on lives of their own, flopping back and forth. Concentrating on her right leg, Kami scooted it ever so slightly to the left. She reached down and put both hands on the upper part of her leg. She felt those muscles flex as she slowly pulled her knees up.

Just then, Kami felt assaulted by new sensations again, as a bird landed on her windowsill. She had thought birds were silent, docile creatures, but this one opened its beak and Kami once again felt the same pain as when she first opened her eyes and saw light—only this time it was in her ears. It was too much. She had to close her eyes.

Clack, clack, clack. The ambient whooshing coalesced into a sharp sound that made her ears smart the same way her hands did when she clapped too hard.

_**"Footsteps,"**_ Mary told her. _**"Someone is coming. Open your eyes."**_

_No!_ Fear came crawling up Kami's throat. _What is happening to me?_

_**"You don't have to be scared, Kami,"**_ said Mary. _**"I am doing this. I am giving you my senses, my strength, and now I can give you my memories."**_

Kami saw Mary's family through her eyes: her husband John, her sons Dean and Little Sammy, two innocent boys. They were every bit as energetic as she had described them in all of her stories. Kami wondered where they were now.

_How are you doing this?_ Kami asked as the footsteps stopped and the morning nurse rang the buzzer before coming to give the morning checkup. _Are you a spirit?_

_**"Of sorts, I guess,"**_ Mary answered lightly.

More footsteps; Kami heard two voices talking.

_Why are you doing this to me?_ Kami continued.

_**"It's the only chance I have to see my sons again."**_

_Is your family here?_

**_"No, but I am pretty sure the answers we gave the woman yesterday will be enough to get them to come."_**

Kami felt Dr. Brennan take her hand and sign, **"How are you?"**

Kami's hands automatically delivered her customary reply, **"Good."**

A kindly voice washed over her ears, like the feel of a soft blanket.

"Fiona is getting more worried over her sister's state. I keep telling her there is nothing but to keep Kami happy, but I just heard from her that she is wondering if perhaps Kami would not be happier with ending things here and letting her soul move on."

Obviously he was not speaking to Kami herself; he could not have known she would perceive his words.

_Could I do that?_ she asked Mary. _Become a spirit like you, and remain to watch over my sister?_

_**"Please, Kami!"**_ Mary's urgency flooded over Kami's mind. _**"Do not consider this. It was lucky that I was able to get through to you, and I don't know if I'll ever have that luck again. They are talking about dying, Kami! Do you want that?"**_

Kami hesitated. It sounded so extremely absolute and final that way. No, she responded to Mary. She had pulled her hand out of Dr. Brennan's grasp, so his voice sounded over her ears while Mary's words pressed on her hands, creating mixed signals like something Mary called "bad Japanese movie dubbing."

"It's really too bad—"

**"Kami, you have to do something."**

"—such vivacity for an invalid. If only Fiona could understand, or any of us, for that matter."

**"Open your eyes! Say something!"**

"She is out of town for the day, but she will be visiting again tomorrow to discuss it further—" Footsteps sounded again, and his voice faded.

_**"Please!"** _Mary cried again, so forcefully that Kami flinched.

The nurse noticed. "Dr. Brennan," she murmured.

Kami opened her eyes and turned her face toward the sound of Dr. Brennan's voice.

He was a roundish, stocky sort of man with thin, silvery hair and a slight stoop.

For the first time, Kami Waites opened her mouth to speak—but all that came out were hoarse, huffing sounds. Mary might have given her the capacity to speak, but Kami had no idea how to use that ability. She pounded the bed as she always did when she wanted someone.

Dr. Brennan stopped mid-sentence and turned around. He had a face as worn yet careful as the touch of his hands, and eyes so vibrant-blue it made Kami wonder what color her own eyes were.

He must have noticed something different in her eyes, because he reached out to tap her shoulder like he normally would do if she hid her hands. Kami waited for the tap, then shook her head, still watching the doctor. He reached up and tapped his eyelids.

Kami understood that he wanted to know if she could see him. She nodded.

Slowly, softly, Dr. Brennan asked aloud, "Kami, can you hear me?"

Tears welled in Kami's eyes as she nodded and tapped her ear.

BAM! The nurse was so shocked she dropped the clipboard she was holding. Dr. Brennan turned to her.

"Tasha, please call Fiona Waites and tell her to please return as soon as possible. A miracle has happened!"


	3. But It Flew Away From Her Reach

While Tasha departed to call Fiona, Dr. Brennan pulled up a stool beside Kami's bed.

"Tell me, Kami," he said, "if you can: how did this happen?"

Kami shrugged and held up her hand. **"It was Mary's doing,"** she replied.

Dr. Brennan gestured to her lap. "And your legs?" He asked.

In response, Kami twitched the blanket off to the side and showed the doctor how she could wiggle her toes.

He curbed his astonishment like a true professional and examined the once-damaged legs thoroughly.

"Completely sound," he announced when he finished. "This is truly incredible! Whatever deterioration you had is completely gone!" He smiled. "Shall we test out those muscles of yours? How about a walk to the window?"

Kami nodded vigorously. With assistance on both sides from Tasha on her right and Dr. Brennan on her left, Kami eased her legs over the edge of her bed.

_**"All right, breathe,"**_ said Mary. _**"You can do this."**_

Kami eased her weight onto her hips, her knees, and her ankles. Every joint wobbled precariously.

"It's all right, Kami," Dr. Brennan coached. "You've never done this before, so it's no problem if we don't make it to the window today."

The window! Kami glanced over her shoulder. It was just about close enough to reach out and touch, wasn't it? But then again, it was her first time using her eyes. She could be guessing it all wrong. Resolutely, she willed her legs to stop shaking-but then her knees locked and she couldn't move. When she loosened her knees in preparation for taking the next step, she wobbled again. With the two people on either side, though, she did not fall, and this knowledge boosted her confidence. Step by painfully-slow step, Kami just barely made it to the window ledge.

There she clung, eyes drinking in the vibrancy of the colors she never even imagined. The world was so much bigger than her bed, or even her room. A lump formed in Kami's throat, and when she tried to swallow it, her vision blurred with tears. A low moan escaped her throat as she wept brokenly at the new experiences she never knew she had been missing her whole life. In addition to what she could see out the window, Kami also received from Mary some memories of Salt Lake City that she did not understand: _fighting a crazed naiad in a fountain here, chasing a demon through that park_—Kami was only beginning to realize that Mary's past was not as simple as she had till now assumed.

After a few minutes, Kami heard Dr. Brennan say (as Mary faithfully translated), "All right, I think that is enough excitement for one day; what do you think, Kami?"

The young woman nodded, and Tasha and the doctor practically carried her back to the bed. After nearly a lifetime of immobility, Kami was astonished how much that short jaunt sapped her energy. Even such things as hearing and seeing, which she knew but never really understood why people seemed to take them for granted, proved excessively tiring.

Mary noticed, and Kami felt her gentle touch spelling, **"I think I will leave you to rest. You've earned it."**

Kami's sight dimmed first, and she closed her eyes to hide the squint. As Dr. Brennan left the room, her hearing began to fade back to silence.

_Wait!_ Kami almost raised her hand above the covers, she was so anxious to halt this process. _Will we meet again?_

Mary's laugh was as smooth as a burbling stream of water. **"Of course we will. This isn't goodbye forever."**

Mary's presence withdrew a bit further, leaving Kami's legs numb and unusable.

**"This is only goodnight. I'll be back in the morning, Kami."**

As Kami relaxed back into her old dark, quiet environment to enjoy reliving the amazing memories, she absently called after Mary, _Goodnight._

It wasn't until the instant before sleep that Kami realized she had just heard her own voice.

* * *

The Hospice Care Center parking lot was nearly dark and completely still when Fiona arrived. A black Impala pulled in behind her, but she was so wrapped up in thoughts of her sister that she didn't notice.

The message from the hospice nurse didn't make any sense. Kami hearing? Kami seeing? Kami _walking_, for Pete's sake? Had it been anyone else, Fiona would have written it off as some sick joke; now she wondered if perhaps she had placed too much confidence in Dr. Brennan. She hadn't wanted him to actually go and heal her sister... Had she?

She brushed through the doors. The security guard stopped her in the lobby.

"I'm sorry, ma'am, you can't be here."

Fiona glared at him. "My name is Fiona Waites, I have a sister here whom I was considering having released, but just this morning I got an urgent call from her doctor saying I had to see her right away, and I came as fast as I could!"

While she was making her case with the guard, the two men from the Impala strode up to the reception desk and pulled out badges to show the woman sitting there.

"Hi there," said the shorter one. "We're looking for a Mary Winchester. We were directed here for more information."

The receptionist blundered around her computer. "Um, I'm sorry, but there's no one here by that name—"

"Wait," Fiona called after them, and the guard no longer detained her as she moved toward the men. "Did you say Mary Winchester? As in the interview on **Blogger From Beyond**?"

The two agents tucked their wallets back in their jackets as they glanced at each other. The tall one asked, "Are you the woman who wrote the article?"

Fiona shook her head, "No, that was a friend of mine but I told her the name... Wait, she told me she made that name up; you mean this Mary Winchester person is real?"

Another glance, and the tall one spoke again. "We're not allowed to confirm or deny the existence of Mary Winchester in whatever form may be claimed of her, but we are authorized to run down any leads in connection with her name. So tell me, Miss..."

"Fiona, I'm Fiona Waites, the sister of the one my friend interviewed for that blog post."

"I thought she claimed to have interviewed Mary Winchester," said the shorter agent.

Fiona shook her head, "That was creative liberties on her part. Actually, she got the idea from when I told her that my sister was claiming to interact with someone named Mary, and the craziest part is that my deaf sister told me she could _hear_ Mary's voice..." She trailed off when the men continued to stare at her dubiously. "I know it sounds crazy, but what I am telling you is true! Here, come with me, I was just going to visit her." She took off down the hall, and the men followed her.

As they went, Fiona couldn't resist asking, "Is my sister going to be in trouble?"

"That remains to be seen," the short agent answered.

They arrived at the room labeled "Waites K."

Fiona turned to the men. "Wait here, I'll go in first and see if it's true."

"What's true?" Asked the taller agent, but Fiona was already inside.

She approached the bed, calling softly, "Kami! Kami?"

The girl didn't even flinch.

In the doorway, Dean Winchester fidgeted.

"Kami? The girl our mom is possessing is named Kami?" He sounded almost offended at the idea.

"We don't even know if she's possessed at all," Sam murmured back. "I mean, look at her."

"I know," said a voice behind them, "strange, isn't it?"

The boys whirled around to find a nurse with a blond ponytail standing behind them. She waved.

"Hi, I'm Laura, the night nurse. You're here to see Mary Winchester?"

Dean frowned and glanced back at the placard.

"Where did you get that name?" asked Sam.

Laura frowned in confusion. "Well, she said so last night; I mean, it says she's deaf-blind, but maybe she was some kind of amnesia patient—"

Just then, Fiona came out of the room in tears.

"I don't understand," she said numbly. "They said she was walking. They said she could hear and see. But look at her! Look!" She pointed to the still body on the bed. Laura put an arm around the young woman's shoulders as she sobbed.

Dean and Sam took the opportunity to slip inside. They didn't bother creeping. If she was deaf, she wouldn't know anyway. Sam stood on one side of the bed, Dean on the other.

"Dean," Sam gasped. "Her eyes are open."

Sure enough, they were, and even in the dim lights of the room they could both see the milky substance clouding her eyes.

Dean felt his heart sinking once more; this was supposed to be their mother, reincarnate? This little thing? He turned away, muttering, "Mary Winchester, my a-"

Before he could finish, a hand gripped his wrist. He turned back around.

The girl was staring at him again, but this time, the film was gone.

She blinked as one just awakening from a deep sleep.

"Dee?" She slurred. "Dee-neh!"

She spoke slow and ungainly, so much that Dean couldn't understand what she was saying. He tried to pull away, but the girl held on. "Dee! Meh!" She pointed to herself, tapping on her head. "Meh, h'rr!"

"Yeah, all right, cute—"

"Dee! Eh meh! Yu mah ainge!" Her expression pleaded with him. "Mah ainge?" She turned to Sam. "Issah?" She smiled and laughed at some joke only she could understand. "Beh Sssah."

Dean sneered in disgust. "This was a waste; come on, Sam, let's go."

"No!" The girl wailed. "No! No! No!" She signed "please" with her hand as she begged them not to leave.

Fiona met them in the hall as they left the room.

"What were you doing in there?" She asked.

Laura raised her hand. "I told them about Mary Winchester."

Fiona looked horrified. "You _told them_? But it's not true! I am sure Kami made it up. Look, agents, I'm sorry you had to come all this way. I was apparently duped, too. The doctor called me early this morning with some impossible tale that my sister, who has been a deaf-blind cripple for most of her life had been miraculously healed all at once, but—as I am sure you saw-this is simply not true. There is no Mary Winchester here, nor has there ever been. Now I'm going to have to ask you to leave—"

"Dean."

At the clear, short word, Dean turned around.

The girl from the bed stood at the door, panting as if she had just run a marathon. She held out her hand. "Dean."

Fiona went as white as a sheet. "KAMI!" She screeched, and then passed out on the floor. Laura set about reviving her as Kami pushed off from the doorway and shuffle-stumbled into Dean's arms.

"Taayke me owwiith yu," she stammered, taking great effort to enunciate every part of her words. "Please... Son."

Dean watched her eyes, as if he could glimpse Mary's face in them, if she really was there.

Kami tried again. "Mah... Lit-tle... Ain... Gel?"

Dean glanced down. Laura was busy trying to revive Fiona.

He looked back at the girl. Only one person in the world knew that nickname. And she wasn't even really in the world anymore.

"Yeah, okay." He grabbed Laura's jacket off her chair and draped it over Kami's thin shoulders. He shepherded her toward the back door of the hospital. "Let's go."


	4. So She'd Run Away In Her Sleep

_Whoever said death was like sleeping obviously had never thought to ask an actually-dead soul for a more accurate description. Unless, perhaps, I am not as dead as everyone else in my life thinks I am. Maybe that's what drew me to Kami—another forgotten, abandoned soul, discarded because of apparent uselessness._

_I could hear them while she slept. My boys! My big, strong, grown-up boys! They sounded more focused than the last time I was able to cross the veil, to let them see me. I still remember the look in Dean's eyes when he stormed in with that pistol—he had no thought except to kill the poltergeist as soon as possible. He certainly wasn't expecting me to show up in the middle of it, and I think in that moment, I could see a brief flash of the boy I left behind, the child who only ever wanted his mother._

_I didn't ask for this, Dean. I wanted to save us, not destroy us. I wish there was some way I could tell you that._

_I guess wishing might be what got me where I am now, in the body of a young woman whose eyes, ears, and legs do not work for her. Why I can't just appear to the boys like last time, I'll never know, but I might as well stop wondering. It wasn't my doing, slipping into Kami's body. A human soul doesn't have that kind of power. There are other forces at work, but whether the trail leads to heaven or hell..._

_I can't think about that right now. I'd rather think about the boys—oh glory! Sam, so much older than he was last time! This whole mess of eternity is really more trouble than one might think. I could swear it was only hours since I expelled the poltergeist from our house in Kansas—but look at him! He's still as gangly as ever, but there's a keenness to his eyes..._

_Sam, most of all I am sorry for what my choices did to you. If I could take it all back, refuse Azazel, resolve to find another way to save John's soul, I would! No mother in her right mind would dare inflict such pain on her baby as I have made you endure!_

_How fortunate, then, that I was able to connect with Kami. It's a strange arrangement, but she is kind and wants desperately to help. Maybe some saintly power is offering me a second chance to be the mother I never was._

_She's waking up now..._

* * *

Dean felt the rush of disdain wafting off his brother like the smell of his plaid shirt after a week's hunt.

"All right," he grunted, "say it."

"We stole a patient from a hospice unit," Sam mused, "and we're taking her where?"

"We didn't steal," Dean objected, "she wanted to come."

"Right," Sam countered, "because it's not some random handicapped chick, it's Mom."

"Come on, man!" Dean shifted his grip on the Impala's steering wheel. "You saw what happened! You heard her!"

"Yeah, Dean, I did—" Sam happened to glance back as the girl sat up, shrugging the coat off as she did so. She blinked as her eyes moved over her surroundings. A smile reached her lips as her fingers traced the seams of the upholstery.

"Heyy Baaabe," she murmured softly.

Dean glanced in the rearview mirror. "What?"

Sam snorted. "She's talking to the car."

Kami stroked the ledge where the door panel joined the window. "John Baby," she mused, and frowned. "John?" She made eye contact with Dean in the mirror. "Wehh John?"

Sam looked sorrowful, and Dean's face hardened as he pulled off onto the little lane that led to one of their "safehouses." Short gasping brought their attention back to the passenger. Kami had her arms folded in front of her, and she rested her face on this while she wept.

Dean glanced at Sam. "Mom?" He asked her.

At the sound of that name, she picked her head up.

"Here," she said.

Dean watched her for a long while. It was just too strange to call a person "mom" when she was probably younger than Sam!

"What about Kami?" He asked.

She blinked, as if waking for the first time. "Kami... Me," she slurred thickly.

Dean pulled the car into the motel parking lot. He parked and turned around in the seat.

"Here's how it's gonna be: I am only gonna ask this one last time, and it better be God's truth, or I will gank you myself—which person are you really? Is it Mary or Kami?"

She placed a hand over her chest. "Kami," she uttered distinctly. Then she touched her temple. "Hee... Ma-ree."

"You are Kami, but you interact with Mary in your head?" Sam verified.

Kami nodded. "Mare say... Make right boys..." The words never fully made it out of her mouth, since she never had much practice speaking. It was left to the brothers to discern her meaning. "We... Famee."

Sam glanced at his brother. Dean sighed slowly.

"Fine," he said. "You're one of us now, Kami. Let's find you some clothes and get you out of those hospital rags, what do you say?" Dean tilted his head toward the souvenir shop attached to the motel. Hanging in the window were several colors of tee shirts and sweat suits plastered with the name of the town.

Sam snorted. "You go ahead," he said, "I'll wait here." He glanced over and caught the look his brother was giving him. Sam raised his eyebrows.

Dean's lips twitched. "C'mon man," he seethed through a clenched jaw. "No way I'm going in there digging through girls' clothes!"

"I thought that'd be right up your alley," Sam muttered under his breath.

Dean extended a fist over the gear stick between them. Sam smirked and held out his. They shook three times, and Dean extended two fingers while Sam spread his hand flat.

"Ha!" Dean gloated.

"Whatever," Sam grunted, climbing out of the car.

Dean grinned and settled down in his seat. Behind him, Kami tilted her head back and closed her eyes. Dean watched the traffic skate by with a lulling rhythm. His eyes caught a movement in the rearview mirror and he looked up.

Kami was staring at him.

"What?" He demanded of her defensively.

"See... John... Picture," she stammered.

Dean sighed and dug out the journal from the glove compartment.

"Here," he handed her a photo of the whole family together, the one he'd found back when Mary had driven away the poltergeist. "That's the best I can do."

She snatched it eagerly.

"Oh..." She gasped, suddenly placing a hand over her heart and grimacing as if it ached. "Oh... Oh John! Oh John!" In just a few seconds, Kami broke down in sobs that shook her whole frail body. "I'm sorry!" She moaned, more lucid than she had ever been before. "I'm so sorry! I never meant to leave you! I never wanted it to be this way! I'm so sorry! It's all my fault! I let Azazel make me an offer I couldn't refuse! I should have known better! I should have been a mother! Oh John! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!"

She was still wailing when Sam returned to the car.

"What the hell, Dean?" He demanded, glaring at his brother.

Dean just shrugged, too shocked at the sudden outburst from the former mute to even think straight.

Sam took the bereaved girl by the hand and led her into the motel room.

Kami wiped the tears from her face and stopped crying long enough to catch her breath. She looked up at Sam as he handed her the sweats he bought.

"Sammy?" She said, taking the clothes but not releasing his hand. She grinned, and it looked like she might cry again. "Look at you! I never thought—" Kami stopped as she noticed the way the brothers stared at her.

"Boys," she said, "it's me—Mary!" She laughed and threw her arms around Sam, reaching for Dean's hand as she did so.

Sam pulled away, shell-shocked. "Mom?" He gasped.

She smiled and nodded. "We finally get to be together," she gushed. "I can make it right, I promise!"

Dean frowned. "So... Where's Kami?"

Kami/Mary's smile faltered and she stroked her short blond hair. "She's... Hmm, I don't know. It was like there were two of us in her consciousness together... And then... She sort of... Moved to another room and let me take over, I guess." She looked down at the hospital attire and sighed, "Oh good lord, what am I wearing?" Sighing, she slipped on the sweatshirt proclaiming "SMITHWOOD, SD" with a quaint cartoon beaver spreading its arms wide. Glancing up at the brothers, she smiled with such pride and love as only a mother could have.

"Is... Is it really you, mom?" Sam still could not wrap his head around the notion. He sat on one armchair while Dean slumped to the end of one bed, and the strange girl involuntarily took her seat on the other bed.

Only just then did Kami/Mary realize that she still held the family photo Dean had given her. "Yes, Sam," she said softly, "It's really me... For now." Something troubled her, and her face darkened.

"How exactly are you doing this?" Dean managed at last to ask the question they both had been thinking since the first time they met Kami.


	5. To Dream Of Paradise

***A/N: It's been a while... I've been pretty distracted with all the other writing and reading I'm doing... but finally able to crank the scene out just the way I wanted it! Thanks for holding on so patiently... I hope I made it worth the wait! -KM**

* * *

"Exactly how are you doing this... Mom?" The word didn't come easy to Dean's lips, especially not when talking to a girl no older than Jo.

Kami-Mary smiled. "Well, Dean, I—" She stopped, as if searching for the words. Her face fell, and she covered her eyes with her hands. "I can't remember," she sighed.

Dean felt the anger rising inside him, and he fought it back down his throat.

Sam clenched his fist; evidently he felt the same way. "What do you mean, you don't remember?"

Kami/Mary bit her lip. "I mean, the last time I saw you two was—oh, I don't even know how long ago! In the old house, in Kansas—the last time you saw me." She wiped a shaking hand over her forehead as her lip trembled. "After that, it's—" she threw up her hands. "It's all Kami's memories."

Sam and Dean glanced at each other. "Mom..." Sam said, "Did you... I mean, is it possible that you... Might have made a deal with—"

"Samuel Mark Winchester!" Kami/Mary snapped, looking horrified at her youngest son. "How could you? Do you honestly think that for _one minute_ I would just _accidentally_ consort with a _demon_? After what Azazel did to John? What he did to you? What he did to... _Me_?"

"Whoa, okay," Dean raised his hand as Kami/Mary raised her voice louder. He placed a hand on her knee. "Just cool it for a sec."

Immediately, Kami/Mary dropped her head into her hands. "I'm so sorry!" She sighed. "I didn't mean to fly over you like that. It's just—" when she looked back up at the boys, there were tears in her eyes. "Look at us!" She took Sam's hand and Dean's hand on either side. "We're together again! True, this body isn't mine, but does that really matter?" She glanced between them, with such a pleading expression that neither brother could resist for long. They both sighed.

"Okay, fine," Dean conceded, "we'll leave it alone... For now."

Kami/Mary seemed happy at this. "Thank you! Now, it's been so long—tell me everything! Are either of you seeing anyone? I would think at least one would have been married now!"

The boys sat in awkward silence.

Kami/Mary frowned slightly. "Seriously? Nobody?"

Dean shifted.

Sam tried to speak. "Well, y'know," he stammered, "what with trying to find Dad—"

"What? Find him?" The frown deepened. "Was he lost?"

"See," Dean cut in, "Dad was in a bad place after mo—after you... Left." The way he looked at her, it was as if he was trying to look through Kami, as if he hoped to see the mother he knew under the surface. "We went on the road, Dad was hunting all the time; then one day, he was just... gone a lot longer than he should have been."

Kami/Mary shook her head. "So you took the car and went after him."

Dean nodded. "We had only just started piecing things together when we caught wind of that poltergeist in the old home place."

Her face brightened. "The last time I crossed over!"

Sam and Dean shared a look. "Crossed over?" Echoed Sam. "From where?"

Kami/Mary paused, but only briefly. "I don't remember," she said slowly. "It's kind of hard to explain."

"What is there to explain?" Dean pressed. "It's gotta be either—"

"Enough!" Kami/Mary snapped. "We can discuss me later. What have you two been doing with your lives? I recall the last time we were able to connect, y'all were still pretty green, and more concerned with finding John than bagging demons."

Dean and Sam glanced at each other.

"You really don't know what's been happening, Mom?" Sam asked.

She shook her head. "I told you; the only memories I have of the last couple years is what Kami remembers... And that's not much."

Dean sighed heavily. "Well, the first thing you have to understand is that it hasn't just been a couple years—it's been about five years since we saw you last."

Mary's eyes widened and she gasped. "Five years?" She glanced between the brothers. "So how much has changed?"

Slowly, reluctantly, Dean and Sam recounted the last five years: about how Sam was killed, so Dean offered himself in exchange, but an angel named Castiel brought him back, because of the discord in Heaven; they told her about Lilith and her mission to release Lucifer from The Cage, about the war that broke out as a result, and about all the others they encountered along the way: the prophet Chuck, their half-brother Adam, the Archangel Gabriel.

When they finished, Mary sat in silent contemplation. Finally, she shook her head. "No wonder I noticed you both looked so much older," she murmured. "Five years... So much has changed in such a short time..." She smirked wryly at the boys. "But I can see one thing hasn't changed." She reached for a hand from each of them. "It's still just the two of you, is it?"

The brothers shared a glance. All of the missed opportunities and lost friends sprang immediately to mind: Jo and Ellen, Ash... Lisa and Ben...

"Pretty much, yeah," said Sam. "It's been just Dean and me for a long time."

Dean scowled and stared into empty space. Tension settled over the group like a thick blanket of bitter fog.

"So the question becomes," Kami/Mary shifted her gaze nervously. "What do we do now?" She winced and wrapped her arms around her stomach. "Ooh, I'm hungry."

"Yeah, Dean, we haven't eaten all day, so we need food," said Sam, "and—" his gaze briefly flickered to the girl before him. "Kami needs some real clothes."

Dean nodded. "Maybe a haircut, too," he said. "In fact, I am pretty sure Dad had a pair of scissors in the trunk. That way at least we can take her with us to get the stuff she needs." He headed out to the car.

Kami/Mary shook her head and chuckled to herself.

"What?" Asked Sam.

Her eyes twinkled in amusement. "I just can't quite wrap my head around the fact that Dean's first suggestion is a haircut."

Sam shrugged, "Well, it's kind of the easiest method of disguise in a pinch, when you have nothing else."

"Really?" She tilted an eyebrow at him.

Sam ran a hand through his own hair. "You'd be surprised at how much a decent haircut changes your look." To illustrate, he gathered his long hair in one hand, giving a glimpse of his long features with short hair. The effect was so comical that Kami/Mary giggled.

She stopped as Dean returned, bearing a thick pair of ornately decorated shears. The smile faded, and she recoiled from him.

"Whoa, hold up, cowboy!" She said, raising her hand to stop him.

Dean arced and eyebrow. "What?"

She pointed to her head. "You are _not_ touching this hair with those."

Dean rolled his eyes and snorted. "They're scissors, mom," he said.

"Right, because a Hunter like John always kept a normal pair of scissors in the Impala's arsenal." Her voice dripped with sarcasm.

Dean didn't understand the reluctance. "So?"

"Good lord, did your father teach you anything?" Kami/Mary clapped a hand to her forehead. She sighed. "Dean, I may have been dead longer than I was a Hunter, but I think I know the difference between a pair of scissors..." She pointed to the implement in Dean's hand. "And _ancient Babylonian castrating shears_."

Dean grimaced as he looked at the thick blades.

Kami/Mary shook her head. "You'd best be getting yourself a pair of scissors," she stated with her arms folded.

Dean tossed the shears aside. "Whatever; I guess we can just use a hat and sunglasses for now."

Kami/Mary accepted the items that Sam offered. "Okay, because seriously, I am so hungry I just might—" She stopped talking and stumbled into Dean. He caught her, but she kept falling, and soon he held her dead weight in his arms.

"Whoa!" Dean cried. "Mary? Kami!"

"What happened?" Sam asked as he helped his brother ease the unconscious girl onto the bed.

"I don't know! She just closed her eyes and—"

He stopped talking as she gave a shudder and opened her eyes.

* * *

_It was never so sudden, the change between us. One minute I was safe inside my own memories, my own psyche—the next, I was wide awake, staring at the brothers—I had forgotten their names—as they tried to talk to me._

_The one with long hair grabbed my shoulder._

"Mom?"_ He asked._

_Mary had fallen silent. That was strange. Usually, she was right there beside me, looking out through my eyes. Without her, I could not even talk. I tried to sign, to tell them Mary had gone missing, but they watched my hands move without comprehending._

"Dammit, Sam!"_ said the older one—Dean; I would have to remember his name was Dean—he stood up and rubbed the back of his neck. His eyes were hurt and angry when he looked at me._

"What happened?"_ He asked. _"Is she there in your head still? Did she die?"

"Dean!"_ Sam chided his brother._

_I could not guess where Mary had gone. I could still feel something of her, little hints that she was still in my plane of existence, but why she had thrust me back so suddenly, instead of merely "stepping back" as she usually did, I could not guess._

_There was no way to tell them this if I could not sign, though. I answered in the only way I could: I shrugged. My stomach ached, and I wrapped my arms against it, hugging tightly against the pain._

"She still needs to eat, Dean,"_ Sam said._

"Yeah, well we sure as hell can't take Kami out to lunch with us!"_ Dean slammed his first against the wall. "_Sonovabitch, now we really need some disguises!"_ He stated at me for a long time. Then he pointed to Sam._

"You and me, we'll go get stuff for Kami."

_Sam glanced at me. _"What about—"

"You,"_ Dean pointed at me. _"You are going to stay here."_ He pointed to the bed I was sitting on. _"You do not leave this room,"_ he spoke loudly and pointed to the door while shaking his head. _"Understand?"

_I did speak English, even though it came out of my fingers, not my mouth. I still had hearing and sight. I nodded._

_Dean turned to his brother and did not look at me again._

"Let's go,"_ he said tersely._

_Sam at least waved as he headed out the door. _"Tell you what, I'll call out for pizza and have it delivered,"_ he said quickly. _"When it comes, just give the delivery guy this,"_ he slipped a twenty-dollar bill in my hand, _"and close the door. You don't have to talk."

"Sammy!"_ Dean barked from outside._

"Be careful,"_ Sam said. _"If Mary comes back, call us, okay? She'll know the number."

_I sat on the bed clutching the bill in my hand as the car pulled away._

_When Mary first appeared in my dreams all those months ago, I never once thought my life would end up like this because of her!_

_At first, I had thought her to be a construct of my mind; after all, I may have been blind, but I still had a sense of what people looked like, based on what they felt like or how they sounded. I thought the blond woman running through my dreams was just one of those ideas my brain had manufactured._

_Then one night, she spoke to me. She looked right at me and said, _**"Hello."**

_I didn't answer at first, because I didn't know I could. But she returned when I was fully conscious, and then I knew she wasn't a dream. I discovered that typing my responses to her was a lot easier than trying to think the words without signing, and Mary could actually "read" the words by deciphering the letters as my brain translated the feel of the Braille keys. It was our way to communicate without knowing any other way except when I could talk to her in my dreams. I slept a lot more after meeting Mary. I never meant for anyone to be able to read my "correspondence", but it filled the hours when Mary would suddenly disappear. I would write her letters, and she would somehow read them, and visit me to talk about the things I had written._

_When she took over my body, I could feel her in every space, taking over all the cells, making me strong and whole. Without her just now, I felt pathetic and useless. It was strange, being mostly my old self (except for the sight and hearing and the use of my legs) and yet without my constant companion jabbering in my mind._

_I nearly fell off the bed when the knock sounded at the door. I slowly hobbled over there, making sure to do exactly as Sam had said, shoving the twenty dollars at him and grabbing the pizza and slamming the door all at once. It smelled so good that I ate an entire piece before I remembered that I had been spending most of my life eating hospice food because no one thought I cared. And I didn't. But I wasn't in hospice anymore. I was in a seedy motel room, wolfing down a ten-inch pizza, waiting for two near-perfect strangers to return with clothes and hair dye to disguise my appearance so that we could abandon my sister..._

_Fiona! _

_At the thought of her, my stomach clenched and I dropped the pizza slice in my hand as my head grew light and I nearly threw up. What must she be going through right now? I had no idea how far the boys had driven after we pulled away from the hospital. The memory of her, laying there on the hospice floor in a dead faint—what would she do when she awoke? What had the brothers told her about themselves? Would she trust that I was in good hands? Would she go to the police? Was I now a fugitive—or a victim? I didn't know where I was, I didn't know how to contact my sister, to let her know I was alive—I was stranded, trapped._

_**"No!"**_

_The word came out of my mouth before I realized it. Mary was back, running through my mind like she had at first. She did not look at me, though. She must have heard my anxious thoughts._

_**"I'm not trapped!"** She murmured. **"I can't be trapped. I am perfectly safe."**_

"But I can't go anywhere,"_ I said._

_She turned my head to look around the room. **"Where are the boys?"**_

"They left to go to the store—"

_**"Without me?"** Her presence spread, slowly edging me to the back of my own psyche. _"They can't do that! It's not safe—"

_We took a step forward and ended up somewhere else entirely._

* * *

Dean kept his face absolutely neutral as he swept a two bras and some underwear into the basket. Quickly he grabbed a nightgown and spread it on top, without bothering to check the size. He swallowed the burn rising in his cheeks and moved out of the lingerie section to find Sam.

Dean found his brother staring at a whole rack of denim jeans.

"They're all the same size," Sam muttered to himself. "How can they be all the same size—" he pulled a hip-rise-bootcut-relaxed-fit pair, and a mid-rise-curvy-fit-skinny pair from the rack— "and look so completely different?" He blinked at Dean. "Do these look like the same size to you?"

Dean grabbed the bootcut jeans. "when in doubt, go conservative," he said. "There's a better chance of it fitting, and she won't think you're some kind of pervert. Now we just have to get her some shirts and be—"

He stopped as a girl with short blond hair, dressed in hospital scrubs and a sweatshirt, stepped out from among the racks.

"Oh, _hell_ no!" Dean lunged forward and grabbed her elbow.

She gasped at his touch. "What—" She blinked rapidly and looked around in horrified bewilderment. "How did I get here?"


	6. Every Time She Closed Her Eyes

_***A/N: FINALLY! AN UPDATE! And a reeeally long one... That's pretty much why it took so long-so much needed to happen here! I hope y'all find it worth the SUPER EXTRA LONG wait... And here's hoping the next update won't be so delayed! -KM**_

* * *

Dean left Sam to buy the clothes while he ushered Kami out of the store. She still protested.

"Dean, I didn't know! That wasn't supposed to happen! Dean, wait!" Her voice turned pleading. "Dean, your hurting me! Stop!" When he slowed to dig out the keys to the car, she yanked her arm away. "Don't handle me like I'm a child!" She snapped.

Dean didn't even look at her as he flung the rear driver side door open.

"You. In. Now," he commanded tersely.

She huffed, but ducked inside.

Dean slumped in the front seat and slammed the door. Turning around, he glowered at her.

"What the hell kind of tricks are you trying to pull?" He seethed.

"I'm not doing anything!" She retorted.

"Oh yeah? Well cause from where I'm sitting, a hospice patient from a ward in freaking _UTAH_ just showed up, still in her damn hospital gown, in the middle of a store in _South Dakota_!"

"Dean, I swear I had nothing to do with that!"

He wasn't buying it. "Bullshit! Who am I talking to, anyway?"

Her eyes narrowed in a squint. "What?"

"You heard me; who am I dealing with right now?"

She rolled her eyes. "I don't believe this; we literally _just_ had this conversation—"

"Yeah, and I distinctly remember finishing that conversation by telling you to stay put, so I wanna know, who am I talking to right now?" He was practically shouting in her face.

She covered her face with her hands. "I don't believe this," she moaned. "Dean, look at me!" She stared right into his eyes. "It's Mary. Your mother. If Kami was in control, she wouldn't be able to talk, okay? Kami can't talk. That's how you'll know."

Just then, the door opened and Sam climbed in. Dean took the bag of clothes from him and shoved it at Mary. "Here, put these on, Mom."

She grimaced. "In the car?"

"Well, you're not leaving the car dressed like _that!_" Dean snapped. "So unless you want to teleport yourself back to the motel room—"

She sighed. "Fine."

Sam glanced at Dean as they pulled away from the store. "Wait, so..." He jerked his thumb toward the back seat without looking. "Mom?"

"Yep." Dean kept his mouth in a firm line and offered nothing more.

"Did you ask—"

"I asked," Dean snorted, "but she has no idea."

A fully-dressed Mary leaned over the seat. "It's true! One minute we were both kind of freaking out a little bit, and then I wanted to go out and look for you guys, but I just sort of stepped into the store!"

"Stepped into the store?" Dean scoffed. "From the _motel room_?"

They arrived at the room and slipped inside.

Everything was still just as Kami left it: the half-eaten pizza, the rumpled beds.

Dean sat on the end of one bed and Kami took the other. "So you're saying you freaked out, and that caused the teleportation?"

Mary ran a hand through Kami's hair. "I don't know!" She answered. Maybe."

"Because, humans don't teleport."

She huffed. "I know that! How else do you explain it, though?"

"Maybe it was the combination of feelings," Sam suggested. "Why was Kami afraid?"

Mary pondered this for a moment. "She was worried about her sister, Fiona." She looked up at the brothers. "She wanted to be with her family just as badly as I wanted to be with mine!"

"Yeah, but you teleported to us," Dean pointed out. "So where is Kami now?"

Mary seemed to think about this for a long while. "She's sleeping, it feels like."

"Here's what I want to know," Dean said, "speaking of who's driving the meat suit—"

_"Hey!"_

He rolled his eyes at her hurt expression. "What happened the last time you disappeared? You were there and then you passed out, and we were stuck with Kami."

Mary shrugged. "That would be something in her short-term memory, which I don't have access to right now. I have her long-term memories—well, some of then, anyway—but I think she needs to be awake for me to see the short-term..." Her expression changed as if she would try and do just that.

Dean raised his hand to stop her. "No thanks, just leave her be," he said. "If she wakes up, she might want to be in charge again, and we won't be able to have this kind of discussion."

Mary nodded.

Sam cleared his throat. "Meanwhile, Dean and I thought of something we could do, in case something like that happens again."

Mary looked warily from one son to the other. "What?"

Sam pulled out a box of hair dye.

Mary snorted. "You're going to dye my hair—Kami's hair?"

Dean nodded. "Kami is a missing person by now. Mary, on the other hand, is not. We figure it might actually be easier on all of us if you could, y'know, stay Mary for a while."

Mary chewed her lip. "I don't know, Kami might not like it—"

"It's either the dye job or you can stay cooped up in this motel room, worried about when and where you might teleport next," Sam pointed out.

"Just try and convince her, okay?" Dean added. "It's for the best."

Mary nodded somberly. "All right, I'll see what I can do." She reached out and patted Dean's knee. "I don't want us to have to spend time apart, either; not while I can do anything about it."

Several hours later, the boys lay snoring in their beds while Mary curled up on the sofa, under an extra blanket from the closet. She lay with her eyes open, peeking at them from across the room. Mary didn't feel fatigue in her borrowed body. That was Kami's side of it, and that girl slept as if to make up for Mary's wakefulness. Mary probably couldn't wake her unless she really wanted to—and for now, she didn't feel the compulsion. She watched her boys—staring at them as if to make up for more than twenty long years of absence.

"I'm here," she whispered as the men slept. "Mama's here." And she would remain for as long as she could.

* * *

The next morning, the Winchesters decided to take Mary's new hair for a test run at the local diner.

"Are you hungry-um, Kami?" Sam asked as they scanned the menu over cups of coffee.

She sighed and rolled her eyes. "Okay, so if you're not going to call me Mom in public, at least you could call me Mary. I'm not Kami."

Dean remained sullen and silent—till the cute blonde waitress walked up.

"What can I get y'all?" She asked, a smile plastered on her face, her neckline bouncing almost as much as her thick-permed ponytail.

Dean's face lit up and he laid on the charm. "Well, I'll have the deluxe breakfast, extra bacon, and," he tapped his mug. "Keep the coffee coming, will you, sweetheart?"

She winked back. "Sure thing, sugar! And you, ma'am?" She turned her attention to Mary, who was too busy staring aghast at Dean to notice.

Sam stepped in. "Two specials, please," he said.

The waitress nodded and accepted their menus.

Once she was out of earshot, Sam cleared his throat and not-subtly kicked Dean in the shin.

"What?" He snapped, but before he turned to Sam, he caught the disapproving stare from the pale face across the table.

Mary purses her lips. "So this is what my sons become when I'm not around," she mused coldly. Her attention rested on Sam. "Has he always been like this?" She gestured mildly to Dean.

Sam sighed and gave an awkward shrug. "Yeah, pretty much since high school."

"Hey!" Dean groused. "I'm sitting right here!"

Mary shook her head. "I should have known something like this would happen. It takes a mother's touch to teach her sons about how to properly treat a girl."

"Oh, that's great," Dean complained from the sidelines. "Ignore me, pretend I'm not here—well I am! And you know what? I know _exactly_ how to treat a girl properly, Mary! I mean like real, genuine, make her feel like a million bucks. And you know where that's gotten me?" He smacked the table. "Right back to square-freaking-one every damn time, because you know what? It's never about the sex or showing her a good time, but just when they start getting close to us, every time we let a girl in and they find out who we really are, and we start to care..." His voice trailed off and his face darkened around the edges. "They leave, or they're taken away, or killed." He shook his head and took another swig of coffee. "It's this damned life we lead, am I right?"

"Hunting is a pretty solitary life," Mary agreed. "If it's your life."

Dean snorted into his coffee. "You say that like we had a choice."

"It's the only life we were ever raised to live," Sam added.

Mary looked between her sons. "And who says you can only learn from your parents how to live your own life? We didn't tell you that hunting was the only way there was."

"It was the only thing for Dad," Sam pointed out.

"You are _not_ blaming your father for this!" Mary jabbed a finger at them. "Are you telling me neither of you had any ambitions outside of turning out just like your father? Just the same old family business—_nothing_?"

The boys squirmed under her gaze.

"Well," Dean stammered. "It's not like we had a choice! You honestly think we would give up hunting?"

Sam leaned forward and tried to salvage the situation. "Mom, it's okay; Dean and I, we've done a lot of good as Hunters, we saved a lot of people."

Dean snorted. "Yeah, and a fat lot of thanks we get."

Understanding softened her gaze. "Guess it would be a little hard for some people to wrap their heads around, right?"

Sam leaned forward. "The thing is, we could have led other lives. But the supernatural world won't let us. Heck, I was ready to attend my orientation at Stanford when Dean showed up and told me Dad disappeared." His lips twitched. "And then Azazel..." Sam choked suddenly as his throat constructed. He coughed and tried to swallow. "My girlfriend—" _Jess! He couldn't.._.

Mary's hands gently grasped his. "It's okay," she whispered. "He's gone. He can't hurt us anymore."

"But there are others," Dean insisted. "The monsters and the demons and what have you... They don't ever stop, and there aren't a lot of people as prepared as we are to take them out and stop the bad things from happening." His pained expression clearly communicated the pressure the two boys had.

Mary nodded. "The family legacy," she murmured. "It's a heavy burden."

Dean's eye caught something behind her, and he leaned out to admire the view. "Speaking of a heavy burden..." He muttered.

The waitress was headed back to their table, arms laden with the tray full of three piled plates. She was so distracted by the precarious balance that she failed to notice the puddle of liquid on the floor.

Mary, still with her back to the waitress, suddenly sat up straight, her eyes wide. In the space of a blink, she had twisted out of her seat and caught the tray as it briefly left the hands of the poor waitress in the very act of slipping on the spill. The tray hardly seemed to move at all, as Mary held it till the waitress regained her balance.

"Whew!" Said the perky blonde. "Nearly had a catastrophe there!" She moved to more solid footing and accepted the tray back. "There we are." She doled out the plates as if nothing happened.

Sam and Dean sat, flabbergasted, the slick ringing of the waitress' shoe slipping still reverberating in their ears. Neither of them relished the idea of trying to figure out what had just happened.

Mary, on the other hand, laughed as the adrenaline high wore off. She clapped both hands to her face.

"Holy cow!" She giggled. "Ho-lee_ COW!_" She looked across the table at the two brothers. "Did you see that? You both saw it, please tell me you saw it. I _totally_ caught that thing!"

The boys still stared at her. Dean fumbled for a coherent question amid the furious middle of his brain just now.

"_How?_" He blurted.

Mary tilted her head. "I... I don't know. It wasn't like I saw it coming, I mean, I couldn't even see her! I just knew it was going to happen and I was just like—" she pantomimed the motion of standing again.

Dean took a bite of French Toast and gestured at her with his fork. "You're telling me you got some kind of premonition going on now?"

Mary threw her hands up defensively. "I don't know; maybe! You gotta admit, it was pretty amazing."

"Yeah, right; you know who deals in that?" Dean shook his head. "Demons!"

Sam whacked him on the shoulder. "Dean," he muttered. "Shut up."

"You shut up," Dean growled back. "She needs to understand—"

Sam wasn't looking at him. His eyes scanned the room as it seemed like more and more people were glancing over and catching some of this very personal conversation. His eyes locked onto something above the kitchen counter and he nodded.

"Dean, look," he hissed.

Dean and Mary turned to watch the small, barely audible television hanging from the ceiling. A special bulletin played, announcing the disappearance of one Kami Waites from a hospice in Salt Lake City, and authorities were still searching for where she might have gone. No footage played, and no mention was made of the two men she was last seen with; they probably had Fiona to thank for that.

Regardless, all three silently acknowledged the ramifications of what they had seen.

Sam kept his voice low. "We'll finish eating, and we'll go back to the motel. Mary," he emphasized the word and nodded to her, "is not a missing person, so she can stay with us, as long as she stays out of trouble, right?"

Mary nodded quickly. "Okay, yeah; don't do anything to attract attention. I got it." She calmed down and focused on her breakfast.

As they exited the diner, Dean conferred with Sam.

"So does this mean we have to move on?"

"Maybe," Sam mused. "I mean, the longer we stay anywhere, the greater risk there is of her getting recognized or—" He stopped as he realized she wasn't behind them like he expected.

Dean smirked. "Or running off?" He snarled.

The boys looked in opposite directions.

"Where the hell did she go?" Sam grumbled.

Dean pointed down the street. "There!"

Mary stood over by a line of parked cars in front of a diner, just in the act of pulling a child out of a car. Dean ran over first.

"What the hell, Mary?"

As he was speaking, the car gave a slow creak and rolled steadily backward, right into the path of oncoming traffic! Tires squealed and cars slammed into one another as the rolling car unleashed a chain reaction of swerving and braking—the back end of the car, where the child had been sitting, was completely smashed in, head on, by a car that couldn't stop fast enough.

A crowd gathered and a desperate mother ran forward and accepted the boy from Mary's arms. A few people started applauding as the Winchesters attempted to slink back out of center stage.

* * *

Back in the motel room, Sam and Dean moved methodically, packing absolutely everything to leave no trace of themselves in the room.

Mary sat in the armchair, sulking as only a twenty-five-year-old could.

"Look, I don't know how it happens, I just—"

"What?" Dean whirled on her. "You see what's going to happen, and you just lose control of your body as something else takes over and does these—"

"Miracles?" Mary cut him off.

Sam sighed as he zipped the duffels. "Look, Mo—_Mary,_ it doesn't matter how good your actions were..."

"Does it?" She demanded. "I saved the waitress, I saved that little boy! With this—whatever it is, premonition, precognition—I can make a real solid difference, more than I ever could as a normal person! I can do things that weren't possible—"

_"At what cost?"_ Dean exploded. "Ever think about that? What happened to not attracting any attention?"

Mary crossed her arms and huffed. "Well, _excuse_ me for caring," she mumbled.

Sam sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. "Look," he said with a cough. "We appreciate having you back, and all—"

Mary snorted. "Really!"

"But until we know more about what's brought you back," her son continued, "maybe it's best if you..." He faltered with a bashful shrug. "You know, uh, take the backseat for a while."

Mary frowned. "You want me to leave?"

"No!" Sam lunged forward to take her hand, as if that would keep her there. "Not completely; just, you know, let Kami take over."

Mary raised indignant eyebrows.

"At least till we can get out of town, go to another location before word spreads about the stuff you did today."

Mary rolled her eyes. "Well..."

"Mom," Sam begged softly, "Please?"

Mary stared at him without blinking for a very long time. Finally, she sighed. "Fine; I guess I'll see you boys later." She closed her eyes and let her head drop.

Neither brother moved an inch till Sam could hear slow, even breathing.

"Is that it?" Dean demanded. "Is she just gonna sleep now?"

Sam tried to wave for him to be quiet, but the girl stirred. She opened her eyes, looked at them, and gave a slow, but willing, smile.

Dean peered at her carefully, but there didn't seem to be any difference.

"Mary?" He guessed.

She shook her head, signed K, and tapped her head. Mary had complied; Kami was awake.

She caught sight of the packed duffels and immediately glanced around the room as if expecting to see the pizza box somewhere. She tilted an eyebrow at Sam.

The younger Winchester tried to explain. "Mary is letting you have a turn for a while. We're moving to a different place today."

_**Where?** _Kami signed.

Dean slung a bag over his shoulder. "Somewhere the paparazzi can't find us," he answered. "A safe house."

Sam and Dean shared a look as they wordlessly agreed on the location.

"Come on," Dean said, holding out a hand to Kami. "Let's go."

Kami followed the Winchesters out to the car. They left South Dakota altogether, taking the Interstate south to the bare plains of northern Nebraska. Several miles outside Wayne, they pulled up to a safe house frequented by other Hunters.

Kami gazed around with an awed expression. She moved away from the car at a painfully slow rate, turning as she walked as if she didn't want to miss anything. The brothers, for their reasons, could not understand what she found so fascinating in the dilapidated cabin.

Dean clomped into the dimly-lit space, dropped his duffel on the table and flopped on the bowed sofa, heedless of the cloud of dust he dislodged by the movement.

"Home sweet home," he moaned, letting his head flop back.

Sam sighed and immediately began taking stock of the stores available in the cupboards.

There was still no sign of Kami when both boys heard a soft creak outside. They both froze, their muscles tense. Sam, closest to the door, crept over and peeked outside. Dean slipped off the bed and joined him.

He saw Sam's shoulders relax before he reached the door. The younger brother swung back inside and nearly collided with the older.

"What?" Dean asked.

Sam smirked and nodded to the doorway. "See for yourself," he said.

Dean leaned his head out the doorway.

Kami had discovered an old rocking chair on the front porch, and sat in it, swaying back and forth as the deck let out an occasional protest. She stared at her surroundings, stroking the weathered wood with gentle fingertips. Her eager eyes seemed to take in more detail than Dean could see. He could hear her sniffs as she acquainted herself with the very air of this place. He watched her till she leaned back, eyes closed and a blissful smile on her face.

A small explosion erupted behind him, as Sam coaxed the small, greasy stovetop to life. He heard a metal lid snap, and Dean turned to regard Sam busily pouring the contents of a can of solidified soup "concentrate" into a pot.

"Dinner in ten minutes," Sam announced.

Dean stepped back into the house and sank into a chair. The mystery that ate at them both hung in the air until Dean managed to put it into words.

"So what do you think Mom's into?"

Sam sighed and left the soup to simmer. "It's hard to tell; I mean, it's not like she's an angel or a demon herself, so she has to be somehow beholden to a higher source..."

Dean nodded. "Restoring someone like Kami certainly seems like an angelic influence."

"So does saving that kid and helping the waitress," Sam agreed.

Dean huffed and pulled a face. "Then why does it seem so dirty? Doesn't it feel dirty to you?"

Sam pressed his lips. "Yeah," he admitted, "it kinda does; I mean, the fact that the puddle was _right there_ but nobody could have spilled it,and the car didn't actually start rolling till _after _she pulled the kid out..." His voice trailed off, and he spoke his next thought reluctantly. "It would make sense for a demon to pretend to be the one person we both care about—"

"Whoa," Dean recoiled. "Hang on, you're actually doubting that Kami is even communing with our mother at all?"

Sam raised a dubious eyebrow. "Dean, if you could have heard yourself just now, you would understand."

Dean shook his head. "I dunno, I just think we should research it more before we trust her."

Sam scoffed. "Is it really that hard to trust our mother? You of all people should know her the most." He swallowed as his throat tightened all of a sudden. "I hardly even knew her," he choked.

At that moment, Kami walked in, and the boys busily tried to hide the nature of their conversation from her.

"Hey, little ghost," Dean affected a jovial front that was a step down from his flirting demeanor. "Let's get some grub and get to bed. It's been a long day, right?"

Kami nodded and sat at the table.

After dinner, Sam showed Kami the one bedroom the cabin had, since he and Dean would be sleeping on cots in the otherwise-bare side room. She signed "Thank you," and he closed the door to give her some privacy.

Dean had already hauled out the books when he returned.

"Now the fun begins," he muttered as Sam wordlessly opened his computer.

Two hours later, Sam jolted awake when Dean slapped his shoulder.

"I'm going to bed," he told his younger brother.

Sam yawned and stretched. "Yeah, me too," he murmured.

The brothers were fast asleep almost as soon as they laid down. The whole house stood still in the peaceful night.

* * *

By the time Dean realized he was awake, his eyes had been open for several minutes. What—

A tender voice reached his ears, and Dean Winchester was suddenly five years old again. He rolled onto his back and smiled at the memory...

Then a floorboard creaked and he was back in reality, listening to a voice he should not be hearing. Had Mary decided to return, in spite of their cautions? Carefully, Dean slipped out of bed and followed the singing out to the front room.

She paced back and forth in a little patch of moonlight. Her white nightgown gleamed in the soft beams through the window. In her arms she cradled a soft bundle as she crooned the gentle melody like no one else in the world could; Kami Waites walked an endless circle as she hummed "Hey Jude" exactly as Mary used to do when the boys were fussy. Dean snuck close enough to see that her eyes were half-closed; Kami was only sleepwalking. Mary still hadn't returned from wherever she had gone. He caught her elbows, and the humming stopped. Kami blinked and came slowly awake. She smiled briefly up at Dean, then the expression changed to one of shame as she realized what had just passed.

**_Sorry,_ **she signed.

Dean nodded. "It's okay," he muttered.

Kami did not resist as he guided her back to her room and let her climb back into bed. Automatically, as he had done so many times when Sam was just this size, Dean lifted the covers and laid them gently over her. Kami smiled, closed her eyes, and was instantly dead-asleep. Dean watched her for a moment to see if she would sleepwalk again, but she did not even stir. He turned to the door.

"Goodnight, Dean."

Instantly, Dean whirled around, looking for any sign of Mary as her voice rang in his ears, not Kami's stilted slur. The only other person he saw was the fast-asleep Kami—had she been the one to speak, or was Mary still trying to resurface? He braced himself. It almost seemed like the more Mary remained attached to Kami, the more things were leaching over—what kind of danger would that bring to the innocent girl?

"Mom?"

The room remained still, almost as if his voice had broken the spell. Dean trudged back to bed and replayed "Hey Jude" in his mind over and over till he fell asleep.


End file.
